"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds."
- Albert Einstein

When mere mortals are confronted with something that they don't understand (or wish wasn't true), their minds have an uncanny ability to sidestep reality. A tidal wave of conspiracy theories gush forth, hoping to wash away the perpetrator and restore order to their fantasy world. It's not exclusive to politics either! Even my humble games are not exempt from the overactive imaginations of insane fanatics. My manic work-rate and staggering progress is something that even I find hard to explain, so cynics are bound to have a field-day with it! Their most ridiculous conclusions are revealed, for the first time, in this top secret dossier...

The Mask
I've always been proud of single-handedly doing the work of an entire team, but some conspiracy theorists have taken that quite literally! One of the most popular explanations for my work is that I'm the "frontman" for 4 individuals. There's a designer, a programmer, an artist, and a musician - all toiling away in my basement under threat of torture. I then seize their produce and post it on the website under my own name. The resulting work is a goldmine for publicity - as magazines and newspapers come to hail this supposed genius. The excitement even filters down to players, who enjoy the games even more knowing that they were made in such insurmountable circumstances. It's actually quite a sound strategy! But, alas, not one that I can take credit for. If I didn't make the games, how come I can explain every inch of every project at the drop of a hat? And how come I haven't beaten the "artist" to death for such shoddy work over the years?

The Time Machine
If you thought that was ridiculous, you'll choke to death on the latest and greatest theory. Ever wondered how the games progress so quickly in the hands of just one man? Apparently, it's because they were all made 5 years in advance! While you were playing the first 2D Federation Online, I was already putting the finishing touches to Wrestling MPire. I then held it back, like every other project, so that I could release daily news updates and make it appear as if the game was progressing in record time. That, in turn, makes me look like a genius - and all that remains is to bask in the glow of work that I've already done. The most blatant catch being that I would have had to invent each programming language that I used along the way! And things get even more confusing when you consider that I would have also had to acquire the hardware capable of developing such games?! Other than that, it's quite a cool idea which would explain why the graphics in my games are so "old fashioned"...

Automatic For The People
It's no secret that new tools like Blitz BASIC and Dark BASIC have made it easier than ever before to start developing games. Some people have a curious definition of "easy" though. Apparently, these new programming languages are so unbelievably simple that all I have to do is type in "wrestling" and wait for a game to explode onto the screen! The hundreds of thousands of lines of code don't come into it! Same thing for graphics too. Whether 2D or 3D, all I have to do is select "wrestling" from a dropdown menu and wait for the images to magically appear! They're even animated on by behalf too! Nowadays, there are even magic products for music. All I have to do is type in "Wrecked" and the program automatically knows what the game is about and composes an appropriate tune that incorporates 6 separate instruments and loops perfectly! If only more people knew! Of course, ask these people to practise what they preach by following in my footsteps and they mumble something about "not wanting to". How convenient...

The Master Manipulator
One of the most flattering conspiracy theories is that I'm a multi-millionaire tycoon who's buying success. Ever wondered why I appear in more magazines than any other independent game developer? It's because I OWN all of those publications! From game magazines to all manner of newspapers, I run the whole show. Or at the very least, I'm tight with the staff and simply call in a few favours every now and then. It's got nothing to do with being one of the most interesting and insightful game developers on the scene! Hell, I don't even write the words that I'm credited with. I just slip the editor a bonus and he conjures something up for me. And when I'm not buying publicity, you can bet that I'm choreographing it. You thought I made that Michael Jackson game because I passionately believe he's innocent? No, I just jumped on the bandwagon to score some points from the situation! I'm secretly praying that he goes down so that I can make a sequel in prison. And when he dies, that's the trilogy! That's what dreams are made of...

The Empty Empire
Speaking of fabricating success, I also stand accused of fabricating the popularity of the games. You, yes YOU reading this, do not exist. You're a figment of my imagination, designed to boost my ego and perpetuate the delusion of success. For the past 5 years, I've been making game after game... for nobody. Posting update after update and writing article after article... for nobody. But what about the tens of thousands of downloads at Download.com? It's spam! I downloaded Wrestling MPire 30'000 times (from 30'000 different computers?!) myself to make it the 2nd most popular wrestling game on the chart. And the sales? I bought it 30'000 times too! I could build a second home out of all the spare boxes. But what about the fansites and fanmail? Me again! I wrote every piece of fanmail that I own, and I created every website and message board that praises my work. Although all of the above wouldn't come as a surprise in the games industry, you may be interested to know that the opposite is true. I tend to downplay my success more than I embellish it. My fans were never directed to Download.com, so those 30'000 downloads are from curiosity alone! If I sent my kids in to represent, you could treble that figure. As it is, I just wanted to see how many new players I could attract without any "conspiracies"...

Unbelievable?
The word "unbelievable" is used as praise all too often, but in my case it literally seems to be true! There are hundreds of people in this world who genuinely can't believe that I am who I am or do what I do. I can assure you that there is no greater compliment! To rattle people so badly that they clutch at straws like that has got to be a sign of power. I've always said that my critics are amongst my greatest supporters, and here is yet another example of that at work. In their haste to rally against me, they reveal themselves to be weak, insecure, and irrational (if not downright insane!). The disappointing thing about these accusations, however, is that the opposite is true. I stand accused of being devious, and yet my website is the most honest in the history of gaming. I record every step of my journey, explain every turn, and answer any question. Anybody that sees evil in that has surely got to be somewhat evil themselves? They're certainly not on the winning team...